Not Alone
by Maggie Moore
Summary: Merry and Pippin are reunited in the Healing House of Minas Tirith after being separated following the Palantir incident. They are happy to be together again and share with each other their thoughts. Very sweet and non-slash; have tissues ready!


A/N: Hi! This little fic was very fun and moving to write, and I hope it will be just as fun and effective to read! It starts after Pippin and Merry were reunited in Gondor after their separation, and takes place directly following the quote below in the Healing House. It should be full of hobbity-cuteness, but be moving at the same time, so have a box of tissues ready! If you read and enjoy this, please take the time to submit a review, I'd like to know if I'm getting through to people. It'll take only a few moments but will make my life a little brighter to know someone appreciates my work. ^_^ Thank you and please enjoy my fic.

PLEASE NOTE: This is bnot/b a slash fic! In this fic, as in all my fics, Pippin and Merry are close, NOT homosexual. Please do not read it that way. Thank you, and enjoy this little, non-slash fic! 

Disclaimer: Merry, Pippin, and all LotR names and phrases do not belong to me and are creations of the genius Mr. JRR Tolkien. 

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i" 'Where is that leaf? And get my pipe out of my pack, if it isn't broken.' "

~Merry in "The Return of the King" by JRR Tolkien/i

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While reaching for his cousin's pack, Pippin stopped suddenly and looked at Merry, a smile forming on his face. "Oh, Merry, you've no idea how much I've missed you."

Merry smiled back. "I bet I have, for I've missed you dearly." He looked at Pippin and moved over in the large bed to make room on his left side and patted the spot beside him. "C'mere, Pip."

Pippin smiled and climbed onto the bed to lie beside Merry. He lied on his back and rested his head on Merry's chest. He let out a peaceful sigh as he felt the steady rise and fall of his cousin's chest, and his steady, rhythmic heartbeat was hypnotic.

Merry wrapped his arm across the young hobbit's chest. "Well, Pippin my lad, what have you been up to since Gandalf stole you away?" he asked.

"It's not important." Pippin said as he snuggled into Merry's warmth. "And it's not much of a story either. I've been terribly lonely in this place. It's quite large and filled with many people, but that did nothing to help and only made me feel more alone."

"Were the people not nice to you?" Merry became concerned. It was out of his cheerful character for Pippin to give such a negative response.

Pippin shook his head. "No, everyone was very nice and polite and I made a couple of friends, but it was never the same. No one understood me, no one had even heard of Hobbits, or second breakfast and elevensies and the sort, or even of the Shire before I'd arrived. Some were interested in learning about them, or at least seemed to be, but grew tired in the middle of my telling and had to run off to do something 'more important'. Then I tried telling people about you, but lately when I told them you were riding with the king of Rohan, I got all sorts of depressing remarks. Most said that I'd never see you again or if I do, one of us would be dead." He lifted his chin and looked up at Merry. "I'm glad they were wrong though."

Merry smiled. "Me too, Pippin, I cannot begin to tell you how glad. But I'd still like to hear of your adventures all the same, whether you think they're worth telling or not. I've had no sort of story in a long time, and would dearly love to hear you tell me a tale."

"Alright, Merry, I'll tell the tale as best I can." So Pippin began to tell his story about all the adventures (and misadventures) he'd had since he left Merry and arrived at Minas Tirith. He talked about the people like Faramir, Denethor, Beregond and Bergil, and about the places like the grand Citadel and cozy Old Guesthouse in the Rath Celerdain. It warmed Merry's heart to hear Pippin's cheerful voice again, and he smiled as he listened to the story with his eyes closed and head lying back on his pillow. 

After a length Pippin had finished his story and Merry opened his eyes. "It is a shame that Denethor had to suffer such a fate, though joyous that Faramir did not suffer the same." He said and he looked down at Pippin and smiled. "And it's thanks to you that he was saved, dear Pip! That was a grand tale." Merry said as he ruffled the younger hobbit's hair. 

Pippin shrugged. "Not so grand really," He looked up at Merry. "At least not as grand as yours must be."

Merry laughed. "No, I'm afraid I've no wondrous story about my travels. Though that's the way it often is for a piece of baggage." Merry received a confused look from the younger hobbit, which caused him to smile and laugh. "Well, Pip, that's all I was; a piece of unwanted baggage. I spent the last leg of my travels as exactly that, and I spoke to or interacted with hardly anyone, mainly because I was disobeying the king's orders by being there. But they were going to leave me behind, Pippin! I couldn't let them do that, not when everyone was rushing off into peril. Luckily the brave and fair Lady Éowyn did not wish to be left behind either, and she bore me from Dunharrow to the Gates of Minas Tirith."

"They were going to leave you behind?" Pippin asked in disbelief. "But why?"

"Apparently Théoden King didn't think I was war-material, so he wanted to save me from the death I believed all my friends would be dying. It was a terrible feeling, believing your friends and companions to have all passed away and left you behind to live. I'd rather die. I'd rather be dead and among friends than alive and alone."

Pippin looked at his cousin's distressed face and he turned and sat up so that he could face Merry better. He reached out for Merry's hand, took it in his own, and gave it a squeeze. He wanted to say something wise and memorable, but when Merry looked up at him all he could think to say was "I'm not dead, Merry. I haven't left you." 

And that was all he needed to say. Merry's eyes filled with tears and he pulled Pippin towards him and raised himself slightly so that he could give the hobbit a hug. "I know, Pippin, I know." He said as he patted his cousin's back with his good arm. 

Pippin wrapped his arms around Merry's neck and rested his head comfortably on his shoulder. "I wouldn't leave you Merry, I'd never." He could feel Merry's body quiver as he sobbed softly, and realised tears were streaming down his cheeks as well. 

"I know you wouldn't, dear Pippin, and I'd never leave you." The tears were coming freely now, and usually Merry would try and stop them, but he was too weak and just didn't care anymore. He could hear Pippin's soft sobs, which only caused his condition to worsen. "Don't cry, Pip." He managed to say.

"But you're crying." Pippin said and he pulled away to look Merry in the face. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "How come you can cry but I can't?" He asked in the same tone of voice that he'd used back home when he asked his Da why his sister could stay up late but he couldn't. He even had the pouty lip that he wore often in the large halls of his home in Tuckburrow. 

Merry smiled warmly at Pippin and reached up to wipe away the tear stains on his round cheek. "I'm sorry Pippin, you can cry if you want. I just don't need you to cry on my behalf."

Pippin's sobs reduced to soft hiccups that shook his entire body, and he struggled to keep his voice from cracking as he responded. "Well I don't see why I should want to cry on anyone else's. I doubt anyone else is worth it. Except perhaps old Frodo and Sam." He paused in thought for a moment before he continued. "And Strider, Legolas, Gimli, and maybe even Gandalf at times, but I'd still cry hardest for you." 

Merry smiled at his cousin and felt the oncoming threat of more tears. "Thank you, Pippin. I'd do the same." He flicked Pippin's nose lightly and playfully and laid himself back down onto the bed. 

Pippin returned to his cousin's side but lie on his stomach instead of his back so he could continue to face Merry. He crossed his arms and laid his head on top of them. He looked up at Merry and cocked his head to the side, looking like a puppy when it's confused. He asked the question that'd been picking at his mind since he met with Merry at the Gates. "What happened on the battle field?" After he asked it, he felt badly for just blurting it out like he did and quickly added, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'll understand."

Merry sighed and thought for a moment before he replied. "I would like to tell you, Pippin, but the problem is I don't rightly know what happened myself."

"Well surely you remember something." Pippin cut in hastily. He then realised how that must have sounded and blushed in embarrassment from his immaturity. "I'm sorry, Merry. Go on?"

Merry smiled at his cousin's eagerness. "That's ok Pip." He frowned as he paused in thought before continuing. "I do remember something, though it's all a bit of a blur. Now that I look back I know how terrified I was, but at the moment an even stronger feeling of urgency covered the fear. Lady Éowyn, the one who saved me from loneliness at Dunharrow and bore me into war, was in grave peril. All I could think of was keeping one so fair and young from an untimely and traumatic death." Merry shook his head and rested it on his pillow. 

Pippin watched his cousin with concern. Merry seemed different somehow; he seemed to Pippin to be more wizard-like, tired and wizened by hard travel and dark hours. Pippin looked upon him with awe, but felt worry from his look of weariness. "Are you tired? Do you want me to let you sleep?" He asked Merry. He didn't want to tire his cousin out too much and slow down his healing. 

Merry shook his head slowly and smiled. "No, Pippin. I could never grow tired in your company. I'm just lost in thought, that's all."

Pippin felt an urge to ask more questions, but he held his tongue.  He reached across Merry to his right side. He smiled at the warmth he felt coming off of Merry's arm. Merry lifted his head to look down on his cousin. 

Pippin smiled widely. "Your arm; it's warm again!" He said happily as he drew back to Merry's left side. "I'm so glad; it was frightfully cold when we brought you in here. Your whole side was. Strider was worried. He didn't say he was but I could tell. I was…" Pippin lowered his eyes and looked down at the sheets of the bed. "I was worried. Strider said time was running out. I knew it to be true before, but I didn't realise how fast it was running until Strider came to heal you. You…you looked so sickly and pale, well not pale, more grey; like a tomato as it begins to decay. I was afraid you were going to die."

Merry felt a lump in his throat. "Oh, Pippin…"

Pippin continued, despite the tears that were gathering in his eyes and clouding his vision. "It was the scariest feeling I've ever had; scarier than Farmer Maggot's dogs, scarier than meeting a Black Rider face to face for the first time, and scarier than the battle that's raging on the Pelennor right now." Pippin fell silent and bit his quivering lower lip, trying to hold back the tears he knew were coming.

Merry looked at his younger cousin and felt a warmth spread through his heart. He was flattered that Pippin cared so much about his well being, and he knew he felt the same for him, yet it pained him to see his cousin in such a state of distraught. He wanted to say something to comfort the shivering hobbit before him, but could think of nothing. He cursed his clumsiness with words and stroked Pippin's hair. 

The young hobbit looked up, and a single tear rolled down his cheek. Before Merry could think of something comforting to say, Pippin drew a breath and slowly said, "Merry, I want to go home."

Merry smiled warmly down at him and replied, "So do I, Pippin. So do I." 

Pippin dried his nose and eyes on his sleeve and thought for a moment. "Do you suppose we'll ever see home again?"

Merry frowned as he pondered the question. "I don't know. I hope we shall, but I can't say for sure. I guess all we can do for now is hope that one day we'll be able to return to Buckland and Tuckburrow, and let's hope it's in peace and triumph."

Now that Pippin had begun the string of questions, it seemed quite impossible for him to stop them. He had so many questions in his mind that he'd been aching to ask someone. But most of them involved Frodo and the Ring, and he couldn't ask those to the people of Minas Tirith, and he realised he'd get more of a riddle than an answer if he asked Gandalf. He never did understand any of Gandalf's answers to any question, or anything Gandalf said at all for that matter, and decided the wizard talked in riddles on purpose to keep him from understanding. 

But Pippin saw his chance to ask someone who'd most likely know the answers, and wouldn't answer in rhyme or riddle. Now the problem was which question he'd ask Merry first. But Pippin's never been the kind to waste time on silly decisions, and picking the next question was less than a challenge.

"Do you think everything is well in the Shire? I mean, do you think anything bad or evil has happened there?"

This was an easy question for Merry to answer. "I don't see why it would be threatened just yet; it's too far in the West. Evil could find it's way in eventually, but it's too early; we've only begun to fight. I'm afraid this will be a long war, Pippin, and it won't be easy to win."

"Do you think we'll win?"

"It depends on too many things."

"Like what?"

Merry laughed. "Slow down, Pip! I can barely keep up at the rate you're throwing questions at me. Where did this sudden burst of curiosity come from anyway? Well I suppose it's not really sudden at all; you've always been a curious hobbit." Merry smiled fondly at the memories of Pippin in toddler form, running around in his diapers and asking anyone who'd heed him questions like why the sky was blue, where the sun goes at night, and why certain insects looked so funny. 

Pippin also smiled at his cousin's comment, but didn't feel much in the mood for reminiscing. He waited for a couple of moments, which he figured would give Merry plenty of time to wander in thought, and asked his question again. "Do you think we'll win the war?"

Merry pulled reluctantly out of his warm memories and returned to the present. "Hmm? Oh, sorry Pippin. Will we win? Well I can't tell you that because I've no idea myself. It depends on too many things."

Pippin gave a disappointed sigh and began to think Merry didn't know the answer he was looking for. "You said that already."

"And it's still true." Merry smiled and gave Pippin's cheek a soft pinch. "Now are you out of questions or do you have plenty more left to go?"

Pippin smiled at his cousin and responded playfully, "I'm never out of questions." 

Merry laughed. "Don't I know it." 

There was a pause and Pippin's thoughts grew serious again. "Do you think Frodo and Sam are finding their way alright?"

Ouch. How was Merry going to answer this one? He'd been wondering the same thing lately, and it was depressing to think about. 

The thoughts in his mind have thus far told him that the chances of two hobbits traveling alone in wilderness they've never traveled before, heading for the most dangerous place of Middle Earth, and carrying something the most dangerous thing in Middle Earth was hunting, had a very slim chance of survival. But he couldn't tell Pippin that. Then again, Frodo was quite strong, but strength alone can't save him from the dangers of fear and terror that stalked him now. He was wise, but wisdom is a useless defense against the Dark Lord. Merry sighed and knew that alone, the journey will surely take Frodo's life. 

But he wasn't alone. As Merry looked down at Pippin to answer, Pippin's face reminded him of the ray of hope that traveled with Frodo: Sam. He laughed softly to himself. How could he forget Sam? He was just as important, maybe even more so in his own ways, as Frodo on this journey. Merry knew it was true that alone, Frodo would surely die, but with Sam, he had a strong chance to come out of this quest alive. Sam wasn't as strong or wise as Frodo, but he was lighthearted and loyal to the end. He would follow Frodo into the very depths of Mount Doom, even if it meant certain death for him. But Frodo would never let death find it's way anywhere near his devoted Sam, and Sam would fight to his death for his master. 

Now that he thought about it, the relationship between Frodo and Sam very much reminded him of the relationship between himself and Pippin. He knew that without his younger cousin, he would have never had the strength or the will to carry on into battle. Pippin was the main reason that he didn't want to be left behind in Dunharrow, and maybe without the fear of losing him he would have never arrived at Minas Tirith, never been reunited with Gandalf and Aragorn, and never have slain the King of the Nazgûl. Without Pippin, Lady Éowyn would surely be dead, the Dark King would be spreading terror across the battlefield, and Merry would be stuck at Dunharrow, left alone to go crazy with his thoughts of worry, distress, and maybe even a bit of self-pity. Merry returned his gaze to Pippin and smiled. What an important character he has turned out to be! By deeds of his own doing and others he helped do, whether he knew of them or not, the youngest hobbit almost left behind in Rivendell has saved Middle Earth from much distress and terror. But he couldn't tell Pippin that, it might just go to his impressionable head.

"Merry?" The half-size hero was growing impatient. 

Merry smiled. He now knew how he'd answer Pippin's question. "Well Pippin, all I can say is that I'm sure where ever Frodo and Sam are, they'll be just fine."

Pippin was shocked by this answer, and his wide eyes showed it. "But, Merry, they're out there all alone!"

Merry shook his head. "They're not alone."

Pippin became frustrated at this response; nobody tells him anything. He interpreted  this answer to mean someone had joined the hobbits on their travels without him knowing about it. If someone else were traveling with his friends, and his cousin could know about it, shouldn't he be able to know about it too? He sat up on the bed and faced Merry.

"What do you know that I don't?" He asked as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Merry laughed softly. "Nothing, Pippin." He looked at Pippin's confused expression and laughed again. "They're not alone; they have each other."

Pippin thought for a minute before he replied. "Oh, is that all? I was looking for something a bit more comforting than that, Merr." He lay back down on his stomach and continued. "Of course they have each other, they always have, but what hope does that show? They're still just two hobbits."

"Two hobbits who aren't alone. They'll look out for each other, Pippin, you'll see. They're really a lot like us."

Pippin wrinkled his nose in thought. This response confused him as much as Gandalf's riddles, and he was beginning to think Merry didn't want him to understand any of his answers either. "Like us?" He said out loud, testing out how it felt in his mouth. He shook his head as if it would help straighten out the jumbled thoughts in his mind. "Merry, what are you talking about?"

Merry gave a little sigh. This was going to be more difficult than he thought. But Pippin was sharp, and he'd get it… eventually. "Ok, Pip, say we were out there on the journey that they're traveling."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why should we pretend we're out there? We're in here, not out there."

"Well yes, Pippin, I realise that, but let's just pretend anyway."

Pippin smiled. "You have a weird way of answering questions, Merr."

Merry smiled back. "To each his own, Pip."

"Which one of us has the Ring?"

"Let's say I do."

"Well that's no fair, how come you get it?"

Merry laughed. "What, do you want it? Do you want to be chased by Black Riders? Do you want the Dark Lord to be forever searching for you?"

Pippin shuddered. "I don't want to play this game anymore."

"Do you understand the answer I gave you to your question yet?"

"No."

"Then we're still playing."

"Fine, but who am I?"

"Do you want to be the Ringbearer?"

"Well I want to be someone important."

"Does that mean you think Sam's not important?"

"Not as important as Frodo."

Merry smiled. He had Pippin right where he wanted him. "That's where you're wrong, Pip."

Pippin cocked his head to the side and wondered what was going on in his cousin's head. Perhaps he wasn't as well as he thought he was and the injury was beginning to get the best of him, or he fell on his head at some point during his short battle. Either way, Pippin had no idea what he was talking about, and was becoming convinced Merry was losing it.

"Tell me, Pippin, if I had the Ring, would you still want to travel with me?"

Where was Merry going with this? Pippin shrugged and replied "Of course I would, why wouldn't I?"

"You didn't seem to like the thought of having the dangers of being Ringbearer earlier. You do realise that if I had the Ring, and you were with me, you'd be in just as much danger as I?"

Pippin hadn't thought of that before, but he knew Merry was right. 

Merry smiled, his plan was working out just as he had hoped.

"Knowing that, I'll ask you the same question as before. Would you still want to travel with me if I had the Ring?"

Pippin thought for a minute before he responded. 

"Of course I would."

"Even if it put you in danger?"

"I don't care about danger. Anyway, someone would have to be there to protect you from all that danger, right? I may not be a knight in shinning armor or anything, but I'd still try. As long as we were together, I wouldn't mind it so much."

"Do you think your protection would help me at all?"

Pippin straightened himself and stuck his chest out proudly. "Well I may not be the strongest defense in the world, Merry, but I'm all you've got! And I'd do anything in my power to protect you. All of Middle Earth could be attacking you, and I'd still defend you like my own life depended on it."

Merry smiled. "Good acting, Pippin. That sounds just like something Sam would say to Frodo."

Pippin blinked at his cousin. While his face wore a blank stare, the gears of his mind were turning viciously, trying to make sense of what just happened. Then, when he least expected it, things just clicked, and he understood.

Pippin smiled. "How clever you are, Merry!" he said as he wrapped his arms around Merry's chest. He saw Merry's reasoning; that Frodo had Sam and Sam had Frodo and that's all they'd ever need, because they'd protect each other as passionately as Pippin would for Merry. "So does that mean you think they're alright?"

Merry smiled and ruffled Pippin's curly hair. "I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be."

Pippin rolled over onto his back, lay his head on his cousin's chest, and frowned. "But do you think they'll stay that way?"

Merry gave the concerned hobbit a warm smile. "If they stay together, I doubt the evils of the entire world could do their hearts any harm."

Merry's answer comforted Pippin, but he continued to frown as another thought crept into his mind. "Merry…"

"Yes, Pippin?"

Pippin did a half turn so that his stomach was against Merry's side. He looked Merry square in the eye.

"What if they get separated?"

Merry frowned. As he thought about Pippin's question, he realised what his answer would be. He shook his head. "I don't know, Pippin."

Pippin's brow crossed. "Well that's not very reassuring."

"I'm sorry, Pippin, but I don't know what should happen if they got split. But I should think that they would do whatever was in their strength to find each other again."

"But what if they couldn't find each other?"

"They wouldn't give up; they'd find each other." 

"But what if they couldn't?"

 "They would; they'd find a way."

Pippin still had doubts but decided he was going to have to settle with this answer, and there was a pause as Pippin got up the guts to ask his next question.

"Merry?"

"What, Pippin?"

"What if we get separated?"

Merry liked this question least of all the others. He closed his eyes and sighed. 'Why must Pippin be so curious?' his mind demanded in annoyance. His heart answered what his mind had just asked. 'Because his curiousity makes him Pippin, and I love him for that. I love him for being curious; for being Pippin.' As usual, his heart was right. And he also had an answer for Pippin's question.

"We'll never be separated, Pippin."

Pippin frowned. "How do you know that?"

"Because it's not possible."

"Of course it's possible."

"No, it's not."

Pippin let out an exasperated sigh. "What do you mean 'it's not possible'? How can it not be?"

"Because I'll always be with you."

"How?"

"We'll always have a piece of each other to carry with us on our travels."

"Really?" Pippin asked in disbelief. 

Merry nodded. "Yes really." 

"Where then?"

Merry reached down and put his hand over Pippin's heart. He smiled as he felt the rhythmic beating under his palm. "Here, Pippin."

Pippin thought for a moment before a large smile spread across his face. "Merry, why must you always be so right?" He asked playfully.

Merry smiled. "It's my job. I'm supposed to be right all the time."

Pippin let out a soft laugh and turned around so he was lying on his back once more. He let out a big yawn.

Merry patted his cousin's head. "Go to sleep, Pip." He said as he laid his own head back on his pillow and closed his eyes.

"G'Night, Merr." Pippin said as he let out another yawn and closed his eyes. 

"Goodnight, Pippin."

And, just as Sam laid himself next to Frodo in the Morgai to their east, Merry and Pippin also drifted off into a peaceful, undisturbed sleep. Their hearts and minds felt untroubled for the first time in what seemed like ages, reassured and comforted by the slow breathing and warmth of the other. For this blissful moment, they had each other, and that's all they ever needed.

~EC


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